There is one, I know it there, a pattern. Beneath all of the busyness and contradiction, between the spaces of our minds and streets of concrete, it's there like the yolk of a egg, protected and safe from harm. But the balance of it is always so fragile, just like the shell of the egg. With just the littlest of disrespects we can lose the perfection of the egg, and have to find other uses for it contents.
Some people say you have to break eggs to make an omelet, and I have no argument with that. I do though have a nagging suspicion, that people tend to break more eggs than they have to. In their eternal quest for the perfect omelet, they end up not being able to eat what they cook, eventually leading to the wasted egg. I feel I have become that wasted egg in some respects. (probably of my own design)
A good friend told me recently that I was aware. I looked at the text on my computer screen, and for a moment stopped to consider her statement. I found, quite quickly actually, she was correct. Even with all that goes on behind the scenes, ..I am aware of more than I often give myself credit for. I didn't mention to my friend the point of clarity she had invoked in me, or the fact that I would be writing about it. Honestly though, I spend so much time in my Virgo body, analyzing, being a neat and tidy critic, classifying my life away into little folders or correspondence. I forget the "why?" behind the actions that I grasp so desperately for.
I have this awareness, and still I often ignore my intuitions, leaving them in the folder of "not real". Meanwhile damning myself to follow a path which is sometimes definitely not for me, ..and I force the issue anyway. I always said that I wasn't really the type of guy that would "push" a situation. But really..? that's a total lie. I push the boundaries of people all the time. I look for buttons to push, whether they are for jest or enlightenment, ...yes. I do that. Most people with any brain are able to discern some social cues in any conversation. Trust me though, ...some don't, and it can be painfully obvious at social gatherings and meetings.
So as this wave of clarity is washing over me, ..Im having all these different situations/pictures flashing through my eyes, and I stop for a second on how I react when something triggers me into a loop. And I think, ...wow, painfully obvious: drink and party down in Chinatown. I chuckled as I could see the pattern, but not totally rejecting it ......yet. I was just going to follow the regular pattern of reaction, and then simply didn't. So along the way with thoughts flying through my head, I decide to do "nothing". I decide to stay exactly where I am ....and write this passage.
There is so much more that we can do each day to face the inner parts of ourselves. Whether we view them as problems/gifts, demons/angels, light/dark, positive/negative, there is one thing that we have to remember when facing these things. The work we are doing is toward Balance, for balance to happen there must be two equal opposites. Once we are able to see those opposites, once we are able to accept them as well, that is when we mature, ..that is when we find the "knowing of thyself". Not until we are able to look at things and accept them beyond our prejudice. Once we can see everything outside of the realm of attachment, and personal needs, ..we can move to higher ground.
So break eggs, make your omelet with as many eggs as you wish, and with as many dressings as you wish. Just make sure that you are saving the best for last, because when the egg carton is empty, there's gonna be no more omelet. Don't waste your time making omelets that your not going to eat, regardless of how fun** it could be to make an omelet, the eggs will keep for a while.
I though, won't be making omelets, I prefer scrambled w/cheese, go figure...
Good luck.
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