Well, ..it's been a while. The last post was a little scattered I don't know if I even posted it, ...I will have to look. I have regrouped though and found some new insights into possibility. And when I say possibility, I am talking about the choices we make. Choices are like a wish in a sense, when we make them, we set in motion the things that will come to be. Certainly all that comes our way can be looked at as learning experience, but often dealing more than being dealt life has it's way of showing us we are on the right track with out choices.
Intentions are best when they are clear, and on the concise side. Too much in the mix of intentions, ..well, it can become complicated and dysphoric. With too much going on, we are not able to focus on what our "duty" may be. When we can find out our duties inside our own intentions, we make our choice in life. The trick is, of course, that we can always change our choice on a dime, and not just one dime ...but many dimes. It's foolish to believe that for every answer there is only one choice to be the winner, as an option there's always the most appealing and the worst ends. Leading of course to the twist of fate that options, like intentions, are the driving force behind change.
All of us have an innate fate that we will succeed at or not, when we make the proper choice for our individual growth and evolution, we cause change in and towards our fate, even change our fate completely. Why cannot we weave our own lives? The fact is "we can" and "we do" ..all the time.
Some of the unfortunate, and mundane, they are bothered not by any of these ideas. And that is one path one can take, to look forward with tunnel vision and only see the cold matter of the Earth, to feed endlessly into self preservation and in some desperate attempt to have control over people or the ego. I have met and left many people like this, and will again without any doubt.
Im not here to lay judgment, or land accusations of dis-honor. Nor am I charged with any notion of what other people "think" they are doing when they promise friendship, in action or word, and deliver nothing but prejudice and avarice. Those people are happy fools and they will not find there feet in the inner circle of my heart and soul. And when I walk away, I don't look back, there are certain things that are unforgivable in my world of existence. Sometimes I don't know what they are until they happen to me...
Lately, I must admit, there has been considerable less drama. Some by design... it can be so apparent when a cycle ends and a new one begins. One looks around, and they notice the fact/truth of their choices, and there is a knowing/acceptance that sparks ...eventually. And other times ...thing can be so subtle and behind the eyes that one doesn't notice what they don't have anymore, and suddenly "gratitude" is in the place of "wanting" and "despair".
And people say thank you all the time, ...but how many actually feel the gratefulness inside their words. Or realize the power of their own words/actions. Instead of flopping their useless ideas of love on the floor. Who actually stands with their passion? Nobody is perfect, but it's way easier to get into a social engagement when one is operating inside gratitude. People will make you a burden if they aren't inside gratitude/respect. Nobody is going to tell you that but me.
Im not a burden on those that truly love me. It's not a chore to be with me, or around me. It's not a lacking or a missed connection. And Im really okay with that, Im learning more and more as I grow up, that I have been vulnerable for a long time. And also, I have learned, that most will expedite and capitalize on someones vulnerability. Thank you Mom, for raising me not to believe I can live life by this ends.
I may have made mistakes, and I admit to them. These days my burdens, though present, do not hold me to the ground, they enlighten me, and I see things as they always were, but with new perspectives.
I choose the Future. Not the one given to me, but the one I made, the one I wished for. Without any of the strings that the massed and ignorant would snip in a second, and only because they can. I know what counts on the scroll of my life, and I know who matters as well.
If you're reading this and your mind is full of question, then my job is just begun. What will you choose tomorrow for the benefit of the many? What will you do that counts to someone that thinks they are nothing? Maybe that person is you.. if it is, trust me when I say. We must all complete our Great Work eventually, without it we have nothing but death to look forward to. Without the Great Work of our own there is only failure and darkness without life. Good luck. (you'll most certainly need it.)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Peace finds a home when you give it one...
Lately, I have begun more and more to get drama out of my life. I have told myself, I will no longer invite drama into my home. At first there were some waves, but those waves are gone now, and in it's place is a quiet and comfortable "now". No more loudness and disturbance fills my days. I am even sleeping better.
It's nice to find the place, and time, to get into the moment. Not have to worry about having someone in your space, causing drama. No more is my house filled with drama, at least for a week now. And it's welcome..it's funny you really notice how much it is present, when you notice how much it's gone. The phrase: "you don't know what you got until it's gone.", could not be anymore poignant. Though, some of the time we work at doing just that, getting the overdone, gone and gone for good.
I know that the important parts of my life are not without their value. Regardless of meaning, if it even exists, those moments are the story, and chapters of my now told tale of life. There's another phrase: "NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO". There are several Buddhist philosophies that exist in terms to this phrase. One of them being the potential of the lotus seed, being derived from the depth in the mud. The deeper the seed of the lotus, the many more petals the flower will have. It is a metaphor for the transmutation of the mundane to the divine, through the material world.
I often use this mantra when Im doing my training in the gym, it always brings such fire with it for movement. Which is another mode I have been exploring, movement and motion itself. There's a certain ecstatic nature to moving when one wants to move. (spent many days under the covers hiding from movement) For now though there is movement, and it seems the pace is picking up as well. Which is welcome, ..the days are getting longer now after all.
This Spring is going to be quite the trip to the Okanagan, .and the spaces beyond...big plans to make a difference in my life, and maybe some of the ones close to me. It's good to have the support of those who are close and intimate. Not sexually, but emotionally, for health of all the bodies..intimacy can happen when we share out secrets, our inner dreams, our hopes, ever how we express faith, or belief.
The new job is treating me like a charm, ..seem to have a firm grasp on things I need to know so far. Like any new position in a new industry, ..you learn the rules first so you can learn to break them later, if/only if need be. The owners, and stylist, and my reception trainer(s), they have been so great to me. I haven't made too many mistakes yet, and don't anticipate it either. I assure myself several times a day, that this is where I want to be, where I belong in this now, ..I fought very hard for a position at this salon, and manifested it, ...so far, ..I have learning by leaps and bounds. I am being challenged to think out of my normal box of intention/projection, and that is always welcome. Im a smart kid, ..I sure whatever happens the world is not going to blow up on me.
Three months of probation, and I should be well on my way into the Hair Salon Industry. Searching options is always a good idea, especially when ones like myself tend to operate with some boundary on option. There are things that I will just not do anymore. I have made some strong choices over the past year and six months. Let us hope Ive made the right choice for me, the right choice for the "future" which I so honestly want to find.
Whatever happens, I have a new learning mode, and the blood is rushing through the veins quite full on now. I ran nearly a 3.5m stretch in 30mins. on the elliptical trainer at the gym. And really seeing the difference in breath in long cardiovascular training sessions. Pretty eye opening, to say the least..over eight months of non-smoking of cigarettes, ...pretty awesome.
All in all ...there is a balance forming beneath the surface, ..one I haven't seen for a while. I am learning finally how to be less vulnerable in social situations, ...by a most obvious tactic. Simply let people think what they want to think, ..don't throw them off by opening your mouth too soon. One last phrase: ..."Silence is Golden" ...we all want to be part of the divine innate in ourselves. There is the mantra, and then there is silence.
It's nice to find the place, and time, to get into the moment. Not have to worry about having someone in your space, causing drama. No more is my house filled with drama, at least for a week now. And it's welcome..it's funny you really notice how much it is present, when you notice how much it's gone. The phrase: "you don't know what you got until it's gone.", could not be anymore poignant. Though, some of the time we work at doing just that, getting the overdone, gone and gone for good.
I know that the important parts of my life are not without their value. Regardless of meaning, if it even exists, those moments are the story, and chapters of my now told tale of life. There's another phrase: "NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO". There are several Buddhist philosophies that exist in terms to this phrase. One of them being the potential of the lotus seed, being derived from the depth in the mud. The deeper the seed of the lotus, the many more petals the flower will have. It is a metaphor for the transmutation of the mundane to the divine, through the material world.
I often use this mantra when Im doing my training in the gym, it always brings such fire with it for movement. Which is another mode I have been exploring, movement and motion itself. There's a certain ecstatic nature to moving when one wants to move. (spent many days under the covers hiding from movement) For now though there is movement, and it seems the pace is picking up as well. Which is welcome, ..the days are getting longer now after all.
This Spring is going to be quite the trip to the Okanagan, .and the spaces beyond...big plans to make a difference in my life, and maybe some of the ones close to me. It's good to have the support of those who are close and intimate. Not sexually, but emotionally, for health of all the bodies..intimacy can happen when we share out secrets, our inner dreams, our hopes, ever how we express faith, or belief.
The new job is treating me like a charm, ..seem to have a firm grasp on things I need to know so far. Like any new position in a new industry, ..you learn the rules first so you can learn to break them later, if/only if need be. The owners, and stylist, and my reception trainer(s), they have been so great to me. I haven't made too many mistakes yet, and don't anticipate it either. I assure myself several times a day, that this is where I want to be, where I belong in this now, ..I fought very hard for a position at this salon, and manifested it, ...so far, ..I have learning by leaps and bounds. I am being challenged to think out of my normal box of intention/projection, and that is always welcome. Im a smart kid, ..I sure whatever happens the world is not going to blow up on me.
Three months of probation, and I should be well on my way into the Hair Salon Industry. Searching options is always a good idea, especially when ones like myself tend to operate with some boundary on option. There are things that I will just not do anymore. I have made some strong choices over the past year and six months. Let us hope Ive made the right choice for me, the right choice for the "future" which I so honestly want to find.
Whatever happens, I have a new learning mode, and the blood is rushing through the veins quite full on now. I ran nearly a 3.5m stretch in 30mins. on the elliptical trainer at the gym. And really seeing the difference in breath in long cardiovascular training sessions. Pretty eye opening, to say the least..over eight months of non-smoking of cigarettes, ...pretty awesome.
All in all ...there is a balance forming beneath the surface, ..one I haven't seen for a while. I am learning finally how to be less vulnerable in social situations, ...by a most obvious tactic. Simply let people think what they want to think, ..don't throw them off by opening your mouth too soon. One last phrase: ..."Silence is Golden" ...we all want to be part of the divine innate in ourselves. There is the mantra, and then there is silence.
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