It's been just over two months from my last addition to this blog.  I guess somehow inside I found a place where I was not comfortable being negative all the time about my life and the people in it.  Also, with my relationship with my 19year old son being initiated, I have been reluctant to "let it out" so to speak.  Yet, as they say, "The time has come...!"

The entirety of the last two months, daunting, crazy, revealing, within love, without regret, it has been so many things.   I am learning more and more about this thing around me called "The World" and "Life", and also about how we have none/all the control we need in them.

Sometimes people they want to control you and take your power, and skill and capitalize off it.  Other times we can find in ourselves the strength, and the power to get things done ...not just our way, but the right way as well.  In the times of strength and power I am finding more stability...but I have found also the people that would use me up are closing in.

The majority of effort I've seen and observed from others has been mixed at most.  I think people really do want to help and love, and share and dance in life, but they are too scared to.  Scared senseless, and ineffectual by the crippling fear of something nobody really knows.  It's sad, and in this motion these types of people begin to change. (and not for the better)

And there is also the few, ...the True Lightworkers, working, growing, evolving, sharing their secrets in life to others, building people up, becoming a leader without even being asked, and finding truth in the things they do.  These are the types of people that I notice and want to attract.

The weak and fearful that would have me sit in dirt and forget me out of ignorance, vanity?  They do not have my vote.  People who stuff their pockets and complain about sharing.  Who do not really nurture, but find a way to gain from someones vulnerability....sickening.

I don't mind being vulnerable, and out in the open.  It is no lie, that I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and yet only cried (until recently) by myself.  It's when people find in their vast intelligence, to toy with power and influence in people those states, ...at the same time not providing anything of their own really to build things up.

People have no discipline like they used to.  I remember when I was a kid I was very aware that I was not under a lot of parental control, ..and I got myself into a whole heap of trouble.  And still I just by the skin of my teeth made it through the trees and into the open air again.  Im not proud of everything I have done, nor do I profess that I am perfect. As an adult I have had to rein in discipline and create it for myself.  Most of it to bring it all back to basics and bare bones.

I do though aspire to something greater, and within more power.   I believe I have control over only my feeling, emotions, behavior.  I do not have power over others, and if I did I would give it back.  For what is a person if they have no choice to choose?  (Not anyone I want to know)  I don't want to control others, and never have.  The thought of control should be an inner conversation with the Self, ...not with others.

Still though, there are haters out there that will manipulate, lie, cheat, steal and do whatever it takes to get what they want in life and death.  There are people that will drain your very soul if you let them in enough.  Leaving you feeling as if you have lost a couple pints of blood in a evening or afternoon hour.  It's not their fault...they learned to live as a succubus, or incubus even...psychic vampires.  Beware.

I am in a battle with these types, ...fighting for love in amongst their hateful grins, and fake smiles.  I want us to find the light beyond sight, the True Light ...if it exists.  It is not born out of selfishness, or self preservation alone of thyself.  It's born out of love, simply and honorably without a doubt, ...of self, of others, and to the unseen, Perfect Love alone within the boarders of Perfect Trust is the only thing that will bring us to Union.

The sooner I get used to that ...the sooner I ll be happier with the lot that is around me.