As I sit here, knowing it's time, and not knowing what to write, I see days and nights pass inside my head.  For every night there is most certainly a day, but as we all know in the Northern Hemisphere, days and night are not equal like the are in other places here on earth.  Imagine a place where the sun rises and sets every day at the same time...no seasonal affective disorder or wondering what time of day it is by looking up.  Seemingly, I would suppose, a place like this would be simpler than the place I am now.  And maybe that's what this post is about, ....find things in a simpler form, or rather finding form in simpler things.  (you decide)

This blog when it was started became a way to share what was going on for me in some way.  But I have found that the writing often didn't touch people in the way that I felt I wanted.  It was New Beginnings and changes abound within life that I had to share to support some catharsis.  And someone asked me the other day if it did do that, if I did indeed find catharsis...I couldn't answer affirmatively.

I agree that there is some relief in the "now", I cannot say this blog has no purpose towards catharsis, but it's a far cry from full on dealing with the subject.  Being in conversation with something inside, and then trying to explain it to close friend, acquaintances, and strangers on FB, ...well, lets just say the message often falls with empty, less willful reactions.  (or maybe it's my words that are too subtle).  Either way, I learn as I create this blog, but it doesn't solve a thing.  Words are most definitely power, ...but not the power people think they are. 

I always knew that words had power, or resonance.  I used many foreign words of ancient languages in the rituals that I used to perform on a daily basis.  I found the energy that could be created by this power and resonance and boy did I find out the consequences for not heading their power with respect.  (that's a different story though)

Power, the stuff within that is, is limitless from the Source.  There isn't enough thought to even scrape the surface of what is possible with full connection with it.  And yet, we all, even me...find ourselves without the things we need; even with this immense and boundless power at our finger tips, we are left hungry and wanting, ..longing and selling our very short lives even shorter with every breath.  

I can hardly imagine when the entitled leaders decide that it's time to cash in on their position, ...what will happen then?

Power at our finger tips indeed, more like stolen by the ones with the biggest pockets.  I can imagine what type of world there used to be, alive and brimming with SPIRIT and mysticism.  Instead of the horrible greed that exists today within the heart of the masses.  I wish so much the world would again see Spirit, alive. I fear though that it may be only in my imagination that these things exist. 

I've called and in my own way prayed for mercy from the suffering in my life.  I've cried wanting the pain to stop, to end, to die.  But it still is inside me. ....the cast off of what was marking me.  People and places changing meaning, ..losing meaning.  All consciously which is the scariest..I actually see myself pulling away and not caring as much.  It's pretty awful.

And still, I and everyone else keep plunging alone the road we are on, ..some on the Path, and some NOT.  The only thing keeping me from destroying love is the mere fact that I still believe Im on the Path.  And the Path has always been one of love from the beginning. 


A world of Spirit and Love ...that would be great. 

Not all the concentration of possessions, and monetary survival, will bring to the true Gold that exist within your heart.  I just snort and laugh at the people that think they have so much to offer and yet give nothing, and take take, all the while stuffing and filling their pockets with what little others have.

I suppose that is why I sit in this apt. all the time, ...there just isn't the type of people around that I can connect with.  I connect with some...no lie.  Matt, Leanne ...but even my own family seems more strange than common in my eyes lately.  I called my Gran the other day...she's 75 in less than a two months along with my Grandad. ...I didn't know how old they were.  Just a sign of how dis-connected we are in my family.  I don't know where I get my family values from.  I always wanted one I guess, ....I wanted a happy one to be fully honest. 

But, ...that's over now isn't it?  Im not going to have some family with 2.38 children and a dog.  The reality is ...Im almost 37, my only child is estranged, along with my ex who birthed him, my father, a dozen or so lovers, and even more friends I have cut the line on over the years.  I've got more people that I've met outside my life than I do within it.  And all it's got me is peace and quiet.  Not happiness, or the love I need, or wealth...all this shedding the old for new space is pretty much useless. 

Everyone is concentrated on themselves with little concern for others...
So few actually attempt to empathize, with me or anything...that's why this blog doesn't prove any catharsis. 

It's just the insane, and rambling words of a man they don't understand, when all I want is all to believe in something bigger than all of us:  the voice from within.

Have a great life if you can, ..and if you can't, you can always bitch about it on your blog online.

<3