On transit often, I sit alone quietly watching the people or the road pass by, and I think about all of us here on Earth, and our trials, and our gains in life, and possibly death. I think about how there are people that are less fortunate than those here, and how quickly the line between have's and have not, is growing. I'm very grateful for all my lessons, and also the people I hold close to me, ..even the bad days are within grace now, I have found something that is worth keeping, worth working for, worth a second mind of attention, worth fixing when it gets broke, something that that I feel needs my love.
When I first started this blog I was in darkness, all I saw was the night and it's obsessions, it's misdirection toward ultimate failure. I hid there, just as quietly as on transit, sending out my intentions, and making opportunity into manifestation where I felt necessary. But always missing the mark...missing the gains I sought, in relationships, in love with friends/lovers alike. I always was a step away from my goals, much like Tantalus in Tartarus, with water and fruit always just out of reach (alone in the dark).
Slowly I was forgetting what it was that I sought, blinded by these things of rejection and judgement. I had forgotten "Love". I had fear in me, deeply and fully, and I was easily controlled by others who would want to manipulate me to their own desire/need. I would let people walk all over me, use me, abuse me, and give me less than balance.
I still battle with this day to day. In the chaos of today, balance takes constant attention, if I'm going to continue being a force of life/light. And with that battle I must as always, mitigate the energies with which I associate with. If I want to grow, then I must surround myself with others that are always willing to grow. If I can, I want to evolve into something of greatness, not necessarily of material wealth, but greatness that people can sense without even knowing me. I do not, and cannot be a model of fear, if I'm to do this work.
And so I learn through others, and others learn from me in return. I find answers, and they find what they are looking for as well; through our correspondence and sharing, something is created. We learn to identify our spaces/environments and therefore have some power to wield our wills in it, in that same moment. This is balance, when we all have sight together.
Living the night, I could see only so far, because of that innate fear/darkness, even negativity. Now that I am living in light more, I see more, and consequently am able to affect the world in greater ways with that sight I have gained. I welcome changes that bring with it grace and forgiveness. And still able to bring facts, together with truth, from a place of vast emptiness, to a place of safety and "love found".
If there is anyone out there reading this, and you fear that you are not loved, or that the love you have is not enough. Step out of the dark and project to the world your love, without limitation, without expectation, and from the heart of TRUSTING. The Universe listened to my intentions, and maybe I didn't get it right the first times I tried to call for it, it is now close and within my inner circle.
Maybe it feels that it's only a one way channel this love, that it's only you giving, and creating the "good" in your relationships. Maybe you feel invisible to love. Perhaps even, you don't believe in love because of so long a time without it close. I don't know everyone's situation, but I can tell you...giving love, and receiving love completely depends on the individuals ability to submit to the force of love, and even in the face of uncertainty extend it regardless of gain/loss.
This is what I learned when I stepped away from the fear in my life. And I still am learning more and more everyday on how to expand that knowledge. I am learning how to heal myself, and to love others who also are healing from their pasts, and not judge them because of their ignorance or prejudice. I have successfully, for the moment, dropped the ego and given myself a chance at life again, by admitting to love more than I will to fear.
What am I missing, when I living in fear? ....Love. (*it's simple)
Have a Great Autumn Everybody..
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